Parenting Advice Blog

Child, Family, and Community: Family-Centered Early Care and Education (5th Edition)

Written in an accessible style for all those who work with young children or will, the author asks the reader to think of the child in the context of the family and community. Reorganized and updated, the book continues to examine developmental theory, but now with a greater emphasis on Bronfenbrenner’s theory of ecological development, discussed in Chapter 1, and more on the importance of contexts of development woven throughout. The book goes beyond encouraging mere parent involvement to how to develop a true collaboration and working relationship through good communication. It also continues to have strong coverage of cultural diversity and present personal examples and vignettes. The text explores many hot-button issues of the day such as supporting self-esteem, discipline, attachment, coping with separation, teen parents, child-abuse, children with ADHD, shy children, aggressive children, conflict resolution, problem solving, and gender issues. Full of real life examples and personal insights, the book is designed and written for not just teachers, but caregivers, child-care workers, and parents.All readers are expected to reach into their own experience, knowledge, ideas and insights to make sense of the new information in the text in the context of their own lives.

User Ratings and Reviews

5 Stars A Book On Family Centered-Learning
Known for the “diamond standard” for infants and toddlers (i.e. INFANTS, TODDLERS, AND CAREGIVERS), Gonzalez-Mena shows her diversity with this solo-written text on the family aspect of early care and education.

Like her other text, Gonzalez-Mena prefers content over presentation which, in her case, is as right as rain. As usual, she eschews color pictures and innovative, dazzling graphic organizers in favor of outstanding pieces of knowledge (i.e. her nugget on working with families on guidance and disicipline on Page 171).

I love her approach because you get much more packed into a volume (for only 60 or so dollars) than you get in splashier books like, for example, Couchenor’s family involvement book or Olsen/Fuller’s text.

Give it a try.

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Gospel-Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting

A practical guide to parenting that starts with the differences that the Gospel makes in the lives of those doing the parenting - most Christian books ignore this aspect.

User Ratings and Reviews

5 Stars Practical, Biblically sound
I am the mother of ten kids and found this book to be full of excellent, Biblically sound parenting advice. Set standards and hold kids accountable for their actions, but always in a grace-filled loving way. Another book along these same lines that I enjoyed recently is Counsel from the Cross.

5 Stars This Needs to be Read by Christian Parents
Bill Farley has done the church a great service by writing “Gospel-Powered Parenting.” He comes at the topic of parenting with a very solid biblical foundation and the wisdom of a thoughtful parent who has raised 5 children. For example, Farley asks the question–have you ever noticed that there are very few instructions in the NT regarding parenting? The reason for this, as he convincingly explains, is that although we as parents want techniques and tips, the reality is that the truths and promises of the gospel are what we really need in parenting our children. He writes about the necessity of new birth, the fear of God, discipline and the great need for parents to understand the character of God in His holiness and grace–and he does this in a fresh and interesting way.

I also appreciate and am extremely challenged by his emphasis on fathers. Think about children who grow up in Christian homes. Many of them live sort of nominal church lives, not too hot or cold, mostly lukewarm. Others leave the faith entirely and spend the rest of their days in rebellion against the Lord. Still other children raised in Christian homes grow into strong believers who are passionate about Jesus and live out their lives in godliness and wisdom. Understanding that God is absolutely sovereign, it’s still necessary that we as parents ask: why is this? Farley’s observation, and mine as well, is that the deciding factor is not education–public, private, or home-school. Instead, Farley writes, “The common denominator between success and failure seems to be the spiritual depth and sincerity of the parents, especially the spiritual depth and sincerity of the father.” Parents, especially fathers, I strongly encourage you to read this book and think deeply about the gospel truths therein.

3 Stars Yes, but…..
Parenting is hard. It is a mixture of joy, laughter, tears, sadness, disappointment (with self and with your children), struggles, rewards, satisfaction, fear, worry, contentment, thanksgiving and a hundred other adjectives.

Parenting books and especially Christian parenting books are plentiful - all with advice, plans, schedules and more advice on how to parent `successfully’.

This is an interesting addition to the `Parenting’ library.

Farley’s main point is that there is little direct biblical instruction on parenting. And the reason for this is that the Gospel is (or at least should be) the tutorial that informs our parenting.

Farley begins with five assumptions which parents must hold - and then he unpacks these five assumptions throughout the book. The five are:

1. effective Christian parents assume that parenting will not be easy but that rewards will ultimately make it worth while

2. effective Christian parents are willing to hold God’s sovereignty and their responsibility in tension

3. effective Christian parents assume an offensive mindset. They pursue their child’s heart - they do everything possible to make the gospel attractive. The gospel is the focus and goal for the parent NOT protecting their children from worldly influence

4. effective Christian parents are shrewd about new birth. They do not assume it. They understand the nature of new birth and they carefully look for its symptoms.

5. Effective Christian parents labor to focus their families on God not their children.

There is much in this book which is not politically correct in our society today. For example he advocates the use of corporal discipline (spanking). And, he says, a spanking SHOULD hurt the child. However, once the child is spanked, you should hold them. Much of modern society and many in the Christian church would disagree with that.

Also, I found the chapter on `Gospel Fathers’, which expresses his view of headship, unbalanced. I do not think he portrayed a biblical or balanced view on headship and that was frustrating. In fact, the way he wrote the chapter suggested to me he really does not understand biblical headship. Rather than coming across as someone who advocates Biblical headship (which I advocate) he simply came across as a male chauvinist. Biblical headship has two sides of the coin - a wife IS to submit to her husband - but the husband is to love his wife AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH. Farley never mentions this side of headship in the book - the dying of the husband for his wife - he only mentions the wife submitting to the husband and when you present only ONE side of biblical headship it comes across as male domination.

Farley’s main premise; that the Gospel should shape and be at the center of our parenting is of course right. Not necessarily because it is THE right parenting model - but because as Christians the Gospel SHOULD shape EVERY aspect of our lives. So on one level this book should be redundant. Of course we should be parenting from a foundation of the gospel. The fact that there is a need for this book shows just how far the gospel can be from being the center of everything we do. The next book could be “Gospel Powered Employee”, then the “Gospel Powered Employer” or “Gospel Powered School Teacher” etc.

Another thing this book (and other parenting books) do not develop (although I guess its partially covered under #2 of his assumptions) is what happens when you follow ALL of this and still your child does not respond. The mantra is too often “My child was rebellious but now they are a perfect son / daughter.” Perhaps we need a book which is written by a godly parent who parented in a gospel powered fashion, and it did not work - that the child rebelled and continued to rebel. For the danger of these type of books is they can subconsciously suggest that if you follow this path your child WILL be fine. Sometimes children are not fine. And many a good parent loses their child to a life of rebellion through no fault of the parent, but because we are steeped in sin and sometimes people do not respond to the gospel. And that is hard.

Having said all that - I would still encourage parents to read this book. There is much to be gleaned from its pages.

5 Stars Life-Changing Book!
There’s not really much I can add to Tim Challies’ excellent review of this powerful, life-changing book, but I did want to add another voice and another 5 stars. This book deserves a wide readership. I’m a Christian parent of three young children and have not been able to put this book down. Farley applies the gospel to parenting in a way I’ve never seen before. Some of what he writes may surprise or even shock you. If you are a Christian parent, you should get this book and devour it immediately. I will be keeping it handy so I can refer to it and remind myself of the important truths he brings out.

5 Stars Best Parenting Book Ever?
I have read many books on parenting and this is perhaps one of the best ever. As a father of three I always want to strive to be the best parent possible. I agree wholeheartedly that working on our marriage is key and crucial. Additionally, I think authentically living out the Christian faith

As a youth pastor I disagree with his statement that it doesn’t matter where or how your kids are educated as long as the kids are being discipled at home. I would have loved to have seen evidence for this rather than a few anecdotal stories about kids that bucked the trend.

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You Are Your Child’s First Teacher: What Parents Can Do With and For Their Chlldren from Birth to Age Six

Nowadays parents are bombarded by any number of approaches about how to be with their children. YOU ARE YOUR CHILD’S FIRST TEACHER introduces a new way of understanding the human being so that parents can be best equipped to serve as their own children’s best teachers. Chapters include: Caring for the Newborn, Helping Your Toddler’s Development, The Development of Fantasy and Creative Play, Nourishing Your Child’s Imagination, Rhythm and Discipline in Home Life, Readiness for School, and more.

User Ratings and Reviews

5 Stars Interesting
This book has many good pointers for raising a well balanced, compassionate child. Easy to read, easy to follow, and easy to put into action.

5 Stars BEST “baby” book EVER
this book has taught me more about positive child rearing than all the books I’ve read combined - whether you plan to have your child go to a Waldorf school or not, this book is invaluable for “raising” a child well

4 Stars Life’s first lessons
Rahima Baldwin Dancy wrote this book for parents who want to help their children learn as much as possible between birth and age six. These are the most formative years in many ways, and everything the school age child learns after age six has less overall impact than the crucial early learning. The first three years are especially critical. The new born baby, far from just eating, sleeping and crying, is taking in information about the world at an astounding rate.

It’s not just a matter of intellectual growth, however, but of raising a well rounded person. The phenomenon of ‘hothousing’, when parents try to hurry their children’s intellectual development by cramming them full of assignments at a very early age, does not lead to a well rounded child. These are the same types who practice ‘baby gymnastics’ and hire motivational coaches for their toddlers, and the author of ‘You Are Your Child’s First Teacher’ is scathing towards them.

“American popular psychology and business interests have interpreted ‘infant stimulation’ to mean that you constantly need to be stimulating your baby with bits of coloured plastic and flash cards,” writes Dancy, who believes that more enriching stimulation comes through holding, rocking, talking etc. “Even though babies can be taught to read with enough condition-response training, they are not reading for meaning and are using a lower part of the brain.”

Perhaps this book, in attempting to redress the balance, goes slightly too far in the other direction. The book is heavily influenced by the ideas of Rudolf Steiner, who believed that science and maths shouldn’t be taught in the first seven years. But this all depends on the child. I used to love reading about science, even around age four and five, as it was truly fun, especially the stuff about dinosaurs (paleontology) and outer space (astronomy). As long as it isn’t made tedious and technical, there shouldn’t be any problem with teaching these kinds of areas before the age of seven.

On the other hand, it should be remembered that children are not highly rational, and the author asserts that giving them overtly rational explanations at a young age is like giving a hungry child stones instead of bread: “When young children ask questions like “why does the sun shine?”, they are really asking about purpose rather than mechanics,” she asserts, “and are much more nourished by an answer like “to keep us warm and to make the grass and flowers grow” rather than a lecture on thermodynamics.” This will be anathema to totalitarian empiricists like Richard Dawkins, who claimed at one point that he wanted research done into whether fairy tales were harmful to children, and whether they should be banned!

The author excels at explaining the different stages of consciousness that a child goes through: “Between the second and third years a major change in consciousness occurs with…the first saying of the word ‘I’. This change is the reason most people can’t remember very much before the age of three.” She does a good job of explaining the stages of mental, spiritual and physical development of a baby. Babies ‘grow down’ rather than grow up, with their eyes being the first thing they learn to control, then the head, torso, and finally the legs.

She doesn’t recommend playpens, because they trap the baby in a boring, enclosed enviroment. Better to let the baby explore at will (after making sure the room is totally safe of course). A study of children who performed outstandingly in later life showed that they almost invariably had parents who were “loving but firm”. “It’s time to brush your teeth” is better than “Brush your teeth now please” for a toddler in the ‘terrible twos’ phase of development. It is harder for them to argue against this. Adding a song or ritual helps, e.g. lighting a candle near their bed when it’s bedtime, and then letting them blow out the match.

Another strategy suggested for ‘terrible twos’ throwing a tantrum is to simply pick the child up and take him to another room. Stand there stony faced and silent until he has calmed down (usually just a few minutes), and then return him to the original scene. This apparently works better than ignoring the child’s behaviour on the one hand, or losing one’s temper on the other.

The importance of play is stressed, as it develops the child’s imagination and creativity. The author used to work as a preschool teacher, and observed a dramatic difference between those children who watched TV and those who didn’t. The ones who didn’t watch TV were far more imaginative in their play. There is an interesting section on ‘Understanding Children’s Drawings’: “Until the age of three, spirals are drawn from outward to inward, only gradually forming a centre that reflects the child’s growing realisation of self…the flash of ego consciousness is documented by the ability to draw a circle.”

Folk tales and fairy tales are full of spiritual and psychological truths, and should be encouraged from the age of around four. They shouldn’t be ‘rationalised’ either, as the child takes them in on an instinctive level, and becomes immersed in their subtle and mysterious symbolism, which then becomes part of the psyche (or if you prefer, an echo of the timeless realm the child departed at birth). Too much emotional dramatisation should be avoided in telling such tales to a young child, as the emotions aren’t developed enough before the age of seven or so to appreciate this. Instead, under-sevens listen for the cadence and rhythm of the language, and repeating the same story over and over is fine. The book gives a helpful (but not nearly complete enough) list of fairy tales and their suitablilty for different ages based on their varying degrees of complexity.

5 Stars Great Resource
This book is a great read whether you are interested in Waldorf Education or not. It gives wonderful insights into raising and educating your young children.

5 Stars Insightful
I love this book, it has some very insightful parenting ideas, things that have really helped me. Along the same lines, check out Making a Family Home. It would make a nice companion to this book.

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The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child

User Ratings and Reviews

5 Stars Great advice
Book provides a positive structure to shape behavior versus a negative response to bad behavior. Makes you look at the bigger picture of the situation and not just the defiant act of the child

Wish everyone would follow the instructions with their children.

5 Stars positive reinforcement works
if you’re tired of yelling, hitting and generally just being not nice to your child in order to get him/her to behave, this book is for you. this book taught me that being kind and reserving unpleasant (but not mean) punishments for unwanted behavior works! it seems almost too simple/easy to actually work, but trust me it’s all in the finer points of the technique. it tamed my two wild boys when nothing else would.

5 Stars Kazdin’s Method is really Applied Behavior Analysis
This book offers some excellent descriptions and I definitely recommend it to parents. However, calling it “The Kazdin Method” gives the false impression that the author has pioneered something that he has not. Behavioral contracts, token/point economies, differential reinforcement, shaping, extinction, ABC analysis. The book is misnamed: it should be titled “The Applied Behavior Analysis Method”.

At the very least, given that the approach draws so heavily on positive reinforcement, a behavioral principle pioneered by Skinner, the author should have put Skinner front and center as a primary source. Yet Skinner’s name is mentioned once only in passing and in reference to punishment. Given the credentials of the author, this seems more likely the result of product design than oversight. That’s unfortunate.

Also, see the book by the late Glenn Latham- a behavior analyst- titled “The Power of Positive Parenting”. I was surprised to see the author “turn” this phrase since Latham’s book used the phrase in the title of his book over 15yrs ago.

Kazdin’s Parent Management Training book did a nice job of referencing applied behavior analysis as a primary source of material. It would have been nice if this book did the same.

5 Stars REAL help for any parent - based on real science - If you buy one parenting book, make it this one.
I am a mother of 6 strong minded, intelligent, stubborn children, and this is the best, most helpful parenting book I have ever read. The things I love about this book are;

1. Kazdin’s methods are based on years of scientific research, not just compiled opinions about what “the experts” think “should” work with children.

2. This is real world stuff that any parent with an open mind can do - and even if you just do SOME of it, IT STILL WORKS.

3. IT WORKS. QUICKLY. The techniques outlined in this book can be applied to all different types of kids, all different ages & severity of problems, and it sets up a positive environment that everyone can feel good about.

4. Kazdin gives very specific examples and varied scenarios for each segment.

I can’t imagine that ANY parent would not benefit from this book. If I could give this more than 5 stars, I would.

4 Stars Good read
It is never too late to turn around a bad behavior. This book helped me with two teen boys. Plus it arrived very quickly after ordering.

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Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids

Today’s busier, faster, supersized society is waging an undeclared war . . . on childhood. As the pace of life accelerates to hyperspeed–with too much stuff, too many choices, and too little time–children feel the pressure. They can become anxious, have trouble with friends and school, or even be diagnosed with behavioral problems. Now, in defense of the extraordinary power of less, internationally renowned family consultant Kim John Payne helps parents reclaim for their children the space and freedom that all kids need, allowing their children’s attention to focus and their individuality to flourish.

Based on Payne’s twenty year’s experience successfully counseling busy families, Simplicity Parenting teaches parents how to worry and hover less–and how to enjoy more. For those who want to slow their children’s lives down but don’t know where to start, Payne offers both inspiration and a blueprint for change.

• Streamline your home environment. The average child has more than 150 toys. Here are tips for reducing the amount of toys, books, and clutter–as well as the lights, sounds, and general sensory overload that crowd the space young imaginations need in order to grow.

• Establish rhythms and rituals. Predictability (routines) and transparency (knowing the day’s plan) are soothing pressure valves for children. Here are ways to ease daily tensions, create battle-free mealtimes and bedtimes, and tell if your child is overwhelmed.

• Schedule a break in the schedule. Too many activities may limit children’s ability to motivate and direct themselves. Learn how to establish intervals of calm in your child’s daily torrent of constant doing–and familiarize yourself with the pros and cons of organized sports and other “enrichment” activities.

• Scale back on media and parental involvement. Back out of hyperparenting by managing your children’s “screen time” to limit the endless and sometimes scary deluge of information and stimulation.

Parental hovering is really about anxiety; by doing less and trusting more, parents can create a sanctuary that nurtures children’s identity, well-being, and resiliency as they grow–slowly–into themselves. A manifesto for protecting the grace of childhood, Simplicity Parenting is an eloquent guide to bringing new rhythms to bear on the lifelong art of parenting.

User Ratings and Reviews

5 Stars Practical and Inspiring
This is a terrific, thoughtful book that all parents should read. It is so easy to fall into the trap of “more stuff” when you are a parent. There are just so many toys, books, gears and gadgets that before you know it, your house is overflowing with stuff. This book is a wonderful response to that problem. It’s a great blend of theory and practicality as they combine discussions of “soul fever” with clear strategies for decluttering your home and your life.

I thought that the section on “environment,” which deals with the overabundance of toys, was a useful refresher. It motivated me to take a good hard look at my daughter’s mounds of stuffed animals and start paring it down.

The sections on “rhythm” and “schedule” were also great. I was particularly struck by her examples of the noticeable impact it made on kids’ behavior when more routine and predictability was introduced into their lives.

And finally, the section on shielding your kids from some of the realities of the “adults world” absolutely blew me away. I grew up very much in the thick of parental discussions and it never occured to me that this might not be the environment I should aspire to create for my child.

All in all a great read. Highly recommended.

1 Stars Why is the price so high for the Kindle Version of this book????
What happened to the 9.99 price for the Kindle???? I would buy it if it was the 9.99 which is what most of the Kindle books go for. Is there something extra special about this book??? Is it bigger than most???

Disappointing…..

5 Stars so right
This book is so valuable. I wish I had had it when I first became a parent. I savored each chapter slowly, like a delicious chocolate. Every paragraph was so true, and made me think deeply. How great is that? I mean, honestly, you moms out there, when was the last time a book allowed you to slow down and stop multitasking? Sometimes my life has seemed so scattered, running after the kids all the time, but when I read this I felt like here was some wisdom I could calm down with.

When I started to declutter I actually included the kids in the process, counter to the author’s advice. But they loved it! “Can we throw out this, too, Mom?” “This is broken, let’s get rid of it, Mom.” They were nearly as ruthless as I was. And after we had finished my 5yr old said, “Ooo, I like this room now!” I like it, too. I no longer step on tiny plastic stamps all the time (ouch! …all thrown out now!), and my daughter can find her favorite hair accessories without a frantic and ultimately fruitless search each morning.

The only thing I even slightly disagreed with was the author’s disapproval of parents talking constantly to their children, like newscasters narrating events. I agree that it is easy to overdo this. I also agree that silent pauses are needed frequently, and that kids need a chance to get a word in edgewise. But I disagree when he implies that it is *always* bad. Actually, narrating the actions you and your child are engaging in can be a powerful tool to teach language skills to children whose communication skills are delayed or disordered. It’s important to talk about events that the child is actively attending to, and to model vocabulary that the child can then use later. Staying silent is not always the best parental course of action, especially if the child is not communicating typically.

My favorite parts were:

–keep food simple. That’s such a nice way to summarize traditional, healthy diets. No neon colors, no flashy characters on the labels, just simple real food.

–don’t let after school activities take over your life. They shouldn’t!

–intersperse exciting times with down time, so rest can occur and the special times seem more special. It’s so obvious, but it’s nice to be reminded.

–it’s okay to throw out/recycle junk, and to give away that which others might want. We do not have to keep everything, forever.

Buy this book. You won’t regret it. I usually just get books from the library but this was one I had to keep for future reference and I don’t begrudge the cost at all. It’s so worth the money.

It would make an especially good baby present, also. Parenting can be so much easier if we keep it simple from the beginning.

5 Stars What I have known in my heart about American children for a long time….
Kim John Payne has written a compelling, true book about what is wrong with childhood in America. The United States consumes 80 percent of the worlds Ritalin which is so alarming.

Yet, although he makes an excellent case for the poor job we are doing to preserve childhood, he also gives inspiration for parents who want to parent differently. In order to give our children what they need, it will require swimming against the tide of popular culture, but arent our children worth the effort? Kudos to Mr. Payne and this excellent book!

4 Stars A positive and affirmative book
So much of parenting is by the seat of your pants, its good to have some affirmation from writers who share your values and concerns. The book is well written and organized in a manner that allows you to hone in on specific areas of concern. I didn’t have any great epiphanies and suspect that most readers will already be the kind who believe less is more. However, I did find some ways to tweak what I do and some very clear explanations of why simplicity works. The discussion on parenting balance is an example of this. While my approach seems to be working at home, their description of what balance means for both father and mother was excellent. I used it to start a discussion with my spouse. It was much more clear and cogent than anything I could have articulated. There could have been more summary points to make the lessons a bit more memorable (a la Things I learned in Kindergaren)- Don’t mire kids in adult concerns, Leave time for play every day, clutter is bad, eg. They did this approach for filtering our own speech (true.kind.necessary) and I have already started to use it. If you have an inkling that your family may have too hectic an existence and want to explore how to take it all down a notch, this book is a good way to explore the thought. I would get if from the library however because once you understand the concepts, there is probably not much need to keep it around for reference.

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