Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors
Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control covers in detail the effects of trauma on the body-mind and how trauma alters childrenÂs behavioral responses. The first four chapters help parents and professionals clearly understand the neurological research behind the basic model given in this book, deemed, ‘The Stress Model.’ While scientifically based in research, it is written in an easy to understand and easy to grasp format for anyone working with or parenting children with severe behaviors. The next seven chapters are individually devoted to seven behaviors typically seen with attachment-challenged children. These include lying, stealing, hoarding and gorging, aggression, defiance, lack of eye contact, and yes, even a chapter that talks candidly about how parents appear hostile and angry when they work to simply maintain their families from reaching complete states of chaos. Each of these chapters talks in depth on these specific behaviors and gives vivid and contrasting examples of how this love-based approach works to foster healing and works to develop relationships, as opposed to the fear-based traditional attachment parenting approaches that are being advocated in todayÂs attachment field. The authors end with a Parenting Bonus Section. True testimonials from parents who have been able to make significant changes in their homes with this model of parenting, giving real-life examples of how they have been able to find the healing, peace, and love that they had been seeking prior to working through the techniques outlined in this book.
User Ratings and Reviews
5 Stars Beyond Consequences, Logic & Control
This book was about love! This book was about seeing children from a love-based perspective. It was about responding to children with love (which allows us to think clearly and rationally). It was about healing. It was about providing emotional safety for children with trauma histories. Heather T. Forbes & B. Bryan Post, the authors of this book, address some of the most crucial and demanding issues faced by parents of children with histories of disrupted attachments.
This book taught me how to uncover my own fears, step into my child’s inner world, and respond to their behaviors with love. By confronting my own fears, I am better able to help my child confront his or her or fears. The book emphasizes that we should parent children from a place of love and compassion rather than fear and control.
Easy reading!
I recommed this book to EVERYONE!
5 Stars Suggest this book for all parents
This book is amazing and Heather Forbes is brilliant. (In the interest of full disclosure, I’m a therapist-in-training (intern) who works with teens and families with a company called Vive!) Parents who come to Vive for help with their teens who are acting out are often introduced to Heather’s books because her love-based model is sooooooo easy to understand and fairly simple to apply to real-life situations and relationships. I see parent coach therapists at Vive often referring parents to Heather’s ideas when they call, in crisis, because their teens are in need of help regulating their emotions. Our therapeutic mentors for teens also often look to Heather’s books and use her ideas with their teenaged clients….
4 Stars Great help in understanding my own behavior!
I originally read this book to better understand my nephew and neices who have had a tough time recently. However, I quickly realized that this book applied to me as well. Working from a scientific and evidence based approach, I began to understand why I reacted the way I did to small issues (a life or death response which left me upset and mystified). The authors explain the fight or flight response in detail, and discuss how to be with someone who is responding in this way to small stresses, like “please turn off the tv.” The approach is not airy-fairy “do these 10 actions and everything will be fine.” This is hard work but practical and do-able. It is changing my life and my relationships.
5 Stars Book has helped a great deal.
I bought this book for my brother and his wife that are doing foster care. They have had a foster son in their home for over 6 months, and they were having trouble with his behavior. Both of them have given this book rave reviews and have recommended it as reading for other foster parents. The entire family has seen changes in the child, and we are praying that we will continue to see more positive progress.
5 Stars EVERY mom and dad should read this!!!
This book changed our lives!! We had an adopted son who caused continuous upheaval in our house almost every day. He often seemed uncooperative, unmotivated, and uncaring. In reality, he had problems that we didn’t even understand WERE problems. Once we understood the problems, AND understood how to deal with the behaviors caused by those problems, we were able to help him (and ourselves). Our home life is now happy, peaceful, loving, and enjoyable, for ALL of us!! ANY parent should read this, but any ADOPTIVE or FOSTER parent MUST read this!! (Vol 2 is WONDERFUL, too)
Filed under: Parenting Advice Book Reviews