Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids
Today’s busier, faster, supersized society is waging an undeclared war . . . on childhood. As the pace of life accelerates to hyperspeed–with too much stuff, too many choices, and too little time–children feel the pressure. They can become anxious, have trouble with friends and school, or even be diagnosed with behavioral problems. Now, in defense of the extraordinary power of less, internationally renowned family consultant Kim John Payne helps parents reclaim for their children the space and freedom that all kids need, allowing their children’s attention to focus and their individuality to flourish.
Based on Payne’s twenty year’s experience successfully counseling busy families, Simplicity Parenting teaches parents how to worry and hover less–and how to enjoy more. For those who want to slow their children’s lives down but don’t know where to start, Payne offers both inspiration and a blueprint for change.
• Streamline your home environment. The average child has more than 150 toys. Here are tips for reducing the amount of toys, books, and clutter–as well as the lights, sounds, and general sensory overload that crowd the space young imaginations need in order to grow.
• Establish rhythms and rituals. Predictability (routines) and transparency (knowing the day’s plan) are soothing pressure valves for children. Here are ways to ease daily tensions, create battle-free mealtimes and bedtimes, and tell if your child is overwhelmed.
• Schedule a break in the schedule. Too many activities may limit children’s ability to motivate and direct themselves. Learn how to establish intervals of calm in your child’s daily torrent of constant doing–and familiarize yourself with the pros and cons of organized sports and other “enrichment” activities.
• Scale back on media and parental involvement. Back out of hyperparenting by managing your children’s “screen time” to limit the endless and sometimes scary deluge of information and stimulation.
Parental hovering is really about anxiety; by doing less and trusting more, parents can create a sanctuary that nurtures children’s identity, well-being, and resiliency as they grow–slowly–into themselves. A manifesto for protecting the grace of childhood, Simplicity Parenting is an eloquent guide to bringing new rhythms to bear on the lifelong art of parenting.
User Ratings and Reviews
5 Stars Practical and Inspiring
This is a terrific, thoughtful book that all parents should read. It is so easy to fall into the trap of “more stuff” when you are a parent. There are just so many toys, books, gears and gadgets that before you know it, your house is overflowing with stuff. This book is a wonderful response to that problem. It’s a great blend of theory and practicality as they combine discussions of “soul fever” with clear strategies for decluttering your home and your life.
I thought that the section on “environment,” which deals with the overabundance of toys, was a useful refresher. It motivated me to take a good hard look at my daughter’s mounds of stuffed animals and start paring it down.
The sections on “rhythm” and “schedule” were also great. I was particularly struck by her examples of the noticeable impact it made on kids’ behavior when more routine and predictability was introduced into their lives.
And finally, the section on shielding your kids from some of the realities of the “adults world” absolutely blew me away. I grew up very much in the thick of parental discussions and it never occured to me that this might not be the environment I should aspire to create for my child.
All in all a great read. Highly recommended.
1 Stars Why is the price so high for the Kindle Version of this book????
What happened to the 9.99 price for the Kindle???? I would buy it if it was the 9.99 which is what most of the Kindle books go for. Is there something extra special about this book??? Is it bigger than most???
Disappointing…..
5 Stars so right
This book is so valuable. I wish I had had it when I first became a parent. I savored each chapter slowly, like a delicious chocolate. Every paragraph was so true, and made me think deeply. How great is that? I mean, honestly, you moms out there, when was the last time a book allowed you to slow down and stop multitasking? Sometimes my life has seemed so scattered, running after the kids all the time, but when I read this I felt like here was some wisdom I could calm down with.
When I started to declutter I actually included the kids in the process, counter to the author’s advice. But they loved it! “Can we throw out this, too, Mom?” “This is broken, let’s get rid of it, Mom.” They were nearly as ruthless as I was. And after we had finished my 5yr old said, “Ooo, I like this room now!” I like it, too. I no longer step on tiny plastic stamps all the time (ouch! …all thrown out now!), and my daughter can find her favorite hair accessories without a frantic and ultimately fruitless search each morning.
The only thing I even slightly disagreed with was the author’s disapproval of parents talking constantly to their children, like newscasters narrating events. I agree that it is easy to overdo this. I also agree that silent pauses are needed frequently, and that kids need a chance to get a word in edgewise. But I disagree when he implies that it is *always* bad. Actually, narrating the actions you and your child are engaging in can be a powerful tool to teach language skills to children whose communication skills are delayed or disordered. It’s important to talk about events that the child is actively attending to, and to model vocabulary that the child can then use later. Staying silent is not always the best parental course of action, especially if the child is not communicating typically.
My favorite parts were:
–keep food simple. That’s such a nice way to summarize traditional, healthy diets. No neon colors, no flashy characters on the labels, just simple real food.
–don’t let after school activities take over your life. They shouldn’t!
–intersperse exciting times with down time, so rest can occur and the special times seem more special. It’s so obvious, but it’s nice to be reminded.
–it’s okay to throw out/recycle junk, and to give away that which others might want. We do not have to keep everything, forever.
Buy this book. You won’t regret it. I usually just get books from the library but this was one I had to keep for future reference and I don’t begrudge the cost at all. It’s so worth the money.
It would make an especially good baby present, also. Parenting can be so much easier if we keep it simple from the beginning.
5 Stars What I have known in my heart about American children for a long time….
Kim John Payne has written a compelling, true book about what is wrong with childhood in America. The United States consumes 80 percent of the worlds Ritalin which is so alarming.
Yet, although he makes an excellent case for the poor job we are doing to preserve childhood, he also gives inspiration for parents who want to parent differently. In order to give our children what they need, it will require swimming against the tide of popular culture, but arent our children worth the effort? Kudos to Mr. Payne and this excellent book!
4 Stars A positive and affirmative book
So much of parenting is by the seat of your pants, its good to have some affirmation from writers who share your values and concerns. The book is well written and organized in a manner that allows you to hone in on specific areas of concern. I didn’t have any great epiphanies and suspect that most readers will already be the kind who believe less is more. However, I did find some ways to tweak what I do and some very clear explanations of why simplicity works. The discussion on parenting balance is an example of this. While my approach seems to be working at home, their description of what balance means for both father and mother was excellent. I used it to start a discussion with my spouse. It was much more clear and cogent than anything I could have articulated. There could have been more summary points to make the lessons a bit more memorable (a la Things I learned in Kindergaren)- Don’t mire kids in adult concerns, Leave time for play every day, clutter is bad, eg. They did this approach for filtering our own speech (true.kind.necessary) and I have already started to use it. If you have an inkling that your family may have too hectic an existence and want to explore how to take it all down a notch, this book is a good way to explore the thought. I would get if from the library however because once you understand the concepts, there is probably not much need to keep it around for reference.
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